Welcome to Holland

Craig and I were leaving Jamba Juice with our family the other day and a group of gossiping Junior High girls walked by.  Some of them smiled at Josiah saying "Look how cute he is!"  Not all of the girls were paying attention to us as some were still giggling and gossiping about others.  And then out of the blue the leader of the pack laughed saying "Four-eyes".  Initially I was so confused thinking this girl could not possibly be talking about Josiah.  I attempted to ignore most of it but I was so hurt for Josiah.  I am still uncertain of who they were talking about (as I remember one of the girls in the group also had glasses).  I want to think surly those girls were not poking fun at an innocent cute 18 month old.  Even if they were not talking about Josiah, but were talking about another classmate this hurts me.  Someday Josiah will be in Junior High and it is painful to think that he could be that kid.

At an annual appointment I recently had, the doctor was going through my medical history as they always do.  Of course Josiah came up when she asked do you have any family members with medical concerns.  "My son has Noonan Syndrome" I responded,"but in his case it was not genetically inherited".  While I said this the doctor was shaking her head yes and then abruptly said, "So he is mentally retarded."  My jaw dropped.  I had no words.  After a long pause, I answered, "Umm, I am confused, is that a medical diagnosis?"

While all this time I have been concerned about the medical side related to having a child with special needs, I have not really thought about all the social adversities that Josiah (and us as a family) will face as he grows, attends school or youth group, makes friends, ect.

Some parents that also have children with special needs have said that one of the hardest things you face in the beginning and will continue to face as your child grows is grieving the loss of what you expected for your children.  People have expectations of life that they are not aware of.  Expectations that you have because it is all you know.  Before Josiah, I expected I would have a family who would learn and grow in the same way I did, and that they would be accepted by people in the same way I was.  With Josiah I have had to learn a completely different pace of life and a whole new set of expectations.  Through Josiah I have cultured pure joy, tackled helplessness at an unbearable level, and most importantly I have met a whole new side of God. 

Here is a poem that Craig and I like that gives a picture of what it is like to change your life's itinerary.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by

Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.